Don’t Keep Secrets
When my wife and I were dating, I told her all about myself without any secrets, not that there was much to tell. Ever since, the only secrets I keep are little things that she wants me to keep, like the contents of presents I’ve bought or the time I threw her a surprise party. (Even though she acted surprised, I don’t think that party was really a secret.)
Money problems and secrets may not be the main cause of divorce in America, but they are a contributing factor. I searched the smartmarriages archive for the word “money.” The search turned up more than 1000 matches that described money problems in marriage.
To keep our marriage happy, I try to keep my wife informed. I don’t bug her with day-to-day trivia, unless she asks, but I make sure there are no surprises. From a personal finance perspective that means that she has equal access to all accounts that are not my retirement accounts. If she asks about our finances, I will gladly bore her. She has equal input on our investment portfolio. She knows as much as she cares to about my retirement accounts. And I know about hers and what investments she holds in them.
We maintain the rule that purchases over $100 (excluding things like groceries) should be discussed before they are made. There are times when we might make a larger purchase without a preceding discussion, but they are typically for things like our annual PTA dues. These charges always show up after the fact in our checking account statement or in our credit card account. I realize joint accounts will not work in all marriages, but separate accounts can still be open to examination and discussion.
The bottom line for a lasting marriage is to keep communication open at all times, be able to compromise, and don’t keep secrets.
Stumble it!
Pete @ biblemoneymatters.com:
I posted today about just this subject – keeping the lines of communication in marriage open. One thing I talk about is having budget committee meetings where both spouses can feel involved in the family finances – even if they aren’t doing the monthly budgets/etc.
Great blog!
28 May 2008, 7:08 amBryce:
Great minds think alike, eh, Pete?
My wife and I do not have scheduled budget meetings, but that’s because we always talk to each other and make time for each other whenever asked. For people who have a hard time staying on budget, scheduled meetings are probably a very good idea.
Thanks for your thoughts and kind words.
28 May 2008, 9:22 amAlisa:
Communication is so important when you are trying to reach a goal; especially a money-related goal. It is important to be both open and honest about money transactions as well as any fears and/or apprehensions you may have. I think it is also very important to respect (even though you may not always agree) the wants and needs of others and make the necessary compromises.
Nice site. Thank you for sharing this helpful information.
28 May 2008, 11:24 amBryce:
@Alisa – Thank you for your kind comments. Good point about respect.
28 May 2008, 8:40 pmMoney Hacks Carnival #15 - French Open Edition — Broke Grad Student:
[...] at Save and Conquer says don’t keep secrets when it comes to finances. It’s no secret anymore that good communication is vital in [...]
4 June 2008, 4:08 amMoney Hacks Carnival #15 at Broke Grad Student | Money Hackers Network:
[...] at Save and Conquer says don’t keep secrets when it comes to finances. It’s no secret anymore that good communication is vital in succesfully [...]
4 June 2008, 11:30 am